Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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