she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
