So drunk its hurt
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
