so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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