She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
