i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
