Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Why are your pants in the freezer?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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