do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
