ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
