I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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