Don't make out with my wife yet
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
