Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
