i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize