You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
