I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
