yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
