Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
