So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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