dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
