I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
