Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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