is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
