please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
