I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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