i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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