my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
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