I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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