Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
