It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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