Me too!
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
