Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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