New low: just hacked my moms facebook
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
