im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
