Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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