508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
