Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
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