I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
