i just google imaged poop.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
