If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
