Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
