Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
she told me i tasted like america
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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