Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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