I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
