I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize