PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
i think i just lost a toe
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
