my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
