that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
