Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
