so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize
