Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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