Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
