I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
