I'm gonna have a badass scar
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
