I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
