actually, I'm a sock model
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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