i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
someone owes me an orgasm
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
should my penis look like a turkey
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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