I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
