This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
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