I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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