I could make wine with my vomit
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
