I bet he comes in French.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
