Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
