haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I enjoy the company of your penis
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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