Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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