oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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