I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
