After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
