so that wasnt chicken after all
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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